Nite Out Blog

Home
Tonite
7 Day Calendar
Blog
Contests
Pictures
Contact

Why limit happy to an hour?

Find Cedar Rapids Nite Out of Facebook & Twitter

Mobile Users Click Here

Rules to Drink By 3-5-2010

I posed the question to my fellow servers and bartenders on facebook this week: What pisses you off the most while working? Wow. Did some of you unleash your frustrations! This made me realize that there are a lot of unwritten rules to going out and drinking in a bar. These rules are never taught to anyone, but if you work in a bar, you damn well know them and you never forget them.

The rules are also not constant. There are different rules when a bar is slow and when a bar is busy. When a bar is slow, there is far less to worry about. When a bar is busy, and the staff is stressed, this is when you really need to have your shit together. We make money on our efficiency, so every moment you take from us, we see money being lost. How happy are you when people cause you to lose money? The area people seem to have the most trouble with is ordering drinks. Even I have been guilty of not knowing what I want to drink. But guess what - it's not a life decision. It's a decision you have to live with for the 15-20 minutes it takes you to down the drink.

A Saturday night is not the time to order something that is going to take more than 5 words to explain to the bartender. If you want to try this new recipe you heard about from your second cousin that lives in Prague - you do that on a Tuesday night when the bartender has extra time to have you list your ingredients and portions and translate them into English. NOT when the bar is 3 deep. You should have a default drink that no matter where you are or how wonkey-eyed drunk you are, you can spit out immediately when asked what you want. When it is your turn - you better know what you want. Don't "um" and "ah" and ask what the bartender suggests. You know what the bartender suggests: a bud light and a kick in the ass.

Do not make eye contact with the server or bartender unless you are ready to order. If you are at a table staring me down with the piercing stare of a serial killer, I am going to get to you quickly (even if I am creeped out). If I find that you merely want to tell me you love me (This has happened. More than once.), I may knock your beer off the table and walk away for the rest of the night. Don't waste my time. I am here to work, not make love connections.

Always state your mixer first or you sound like an idiot. It is not a cranberry vodka. You want a vodka cranberry. Why that distinction? Because they make a cranberry flavored vodka and...just trust me. Say it the right way. The only exception is the Red Bull Vodka, otherwise known as a liquid heart palpitation.

When I say five words or less, that does not mean you can add an adjective to your drink. If you want a "strong" jack and coke then you order a double. Don't want to pay for a double? Too bad. If you order something "strong" you are going to either get a drink so strong you can't enjoy it, or a drink so weak you wasted your money.

Eye contact and a smile are all you need to get service at the bar. DO NOT: pound on the bar with your fist, tap the bar with your drink, shake your drink in the air, wave your arms like a jackass, snap your fingers, or yell ANYTHING - not Hey, or Sweetie, or Dude or even my name. Nothing! "Please" and "Thank You" go a loooooonnnng way. Just because there are a lot of people around you, and you feel anonymous doesn't mean it's ok to throw your manners out the window. We remember polite people and you most likely will be rewarded with politeness and quick service. If you are rude, it is my ultimate fantasy to visit you at your job, wave my arms and pound on the counter shouting, "Hey beautiful!!! Hmmm...I don't know what I want....What do you suggest?!?!? Well then gimme my Quarter-Pounder with cheese well done with no onions, no pickles, extra mustard, a splash of ketchup!!! Make sure the bun is fresh with exactly 37 poppy seeds on the top!!! I also gotta have some fries and throw some extra in for me because I come here all the time - I should get some fries for free!!! If you don't get it right I'm going to ask you to make it again and again." Now, none of you would ever do that, would you?

After you have your precious drink, get the heck out of the way. Move away from the bar and away from the people trying to get to the bar. Again as a server, I have to be quick to get out drinks. If you are standing in my way on more than one trip to and from the bar, I will "accidentally" step on your ankle until you find a new place to reside. If you absolutely have to be near the server station, just be aware of yourself and move as much as you can to stay out of our way.

To Review:

1) Be ready

2) Keep it simple

3) Be polite

4) Get out of the way

5) Don't be picky. You probably can't taste it anyway.

6) Have a default drink

Sadly, this is just the tip of the iceberg when it comes to bar behavior. I haven't even gotten to shot ordering! More next week!

By Ann Marie Jungblut

Follow Ann on twitter or check out her blog

http://amariehappyhour.blogspot.com/